Tonight

Sorry for this decision. But it’s for the best of the club.

Lord, grant me strength for this.

Sigh

Things have not been going on well these days. I had scolded one of my committee vehemently last Tuesday, and scowled terribly in front of my other executive committee for at least thirty minutes, before finally I calmed down and found enough senses to seek patience and rationality instead of dwelling in unquenchable anger. I was generally very calm and cool with my club members even though many things went wrong during last week, until something in me just snapped when the high-and-mighty lady raised her voice at me.  Sigh…again, my own folly of not keeping my terrible temper at check.

This semester and the coming semester will prove to be hard and unexceptionally trying on me. I wonder if I could  really be a good leader. Not that I give up easily (I am known to be a person who won’t rest until she gets what she wants) , but part of me is already tired with all these trying-to-please-others antics. I wish I could be more open with my own feelings, but then, thinking and knowing that not everyone shares the same feelings like I do- to display disagreeable behaviors and ex cetera are certainly not  wise.  I might just as well, play with time, and pray to the Lord that things will get better.

Sigh. But still I am uncertain. I am kind of worrying if my softness or politeness or whatever-the-thing it is will one day ruin every decision I am about to make or take.  Plenty of what ifs and what nots are always constantly tugging my inner being, and my instincts keep telling me that things are not right. Perhaps it’s because of my own killing optimism and unguarded ego that prevent me from listening to my small voice in my heart. Jay was right; I  shouldn’t be too reluctant to make my mind on something and rely too much on accepting a mutual consensus  with other committee whenever a decision needs to be made. After all, so far my instincts have always been accurate. Something was really, really not right.

Right now, I need strength to do what is necessary. It will take lots of courage to do this, but I have to do whatever it takes for the club to grow. Only God knows how upset I feel when I see uncommitted people giving false promises in the club. It is as if I am watching a bunch of liars masking themselves as they move and blend in together with other more passionate members. And I grow impatient whenever I heard people complaining about wasting their own precious time when I myself am putting my heart, soul, energy, time, money and blahblahblah into this club. I wonder just how many people will be able to bear it say if they were in my shoes.  This implies explicitly how some people only know how to talk, but they hardly do any significant work and surprisingly enough, they often get away with it with much ease. Really unfair indeed!

As I heave a heavy sigh each time I ponder upon my mere and limited human capabilities and a list of other incompetencies, I realize I always need strong assurance from at least an ally to help me go on. Up till this day,I really thank God for my understanding and passionate juniors and dear Jay for being there for me whenever I need their support and advice. Most people can only watch from sidelines, not wanting to interfere in other people’s predicaments. Ah, I need to accept the fact  we live in a selfish world, that is. To hope against hope for sympathy and support from them is like wishing for the moon and stars to fall on earth. I learn this  from experience and I believe now I really want to practise cautiousness to the fullness whenever I confide my problems in anyone . It is a wastage of time to confide in those people who do not even care for  you a pence.

Oh Lord, I need strength and courage to proceed to doing whatever I should be doing. Grant me that focus and determination to do what I mean to do. Let me also be a master of my emotions, and help me realize that by allowing my temper to flare up easily and without any boundaries, I will surely be inviting troubles.

I hereby place my worries and prayers into your hands. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I just want You!

More than a nice melody,
More than the sweetest of word’s,
This is love i have found,
and with this love i am found.

I just want you Jesus, i just want you my lord,
I just want you Jesus, i just want you.

Never could i comprehend,
The love you so freely give,
Never could i be with you,
But you love covers all of my sin.

I just want you Jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you Jesus i just want you.

There is no greater love than yours,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your god.

There is no greater love than yours,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like yours.

I just want you Jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you Jesus,
I just want you,
Jesus!

Art

People are always interested with my drawings, so I am posting this for their sakes. I drew this for one friend of mine in the university. [He is known as the One Euro Person for his cheapskatey attitude. ]

And this one is for my friends during the Mooncake Festival. )

People, more drawings are coming up soon:  ScoobyDoo the Schneider, Hikaru No Go Halabi, and Smelly Salt Fish [my friend Ayu called him "Ikan", which is "fish" in Malay]. 

我们爱

我们爱,让世界不一样

你和我是天父爱的创造 [
每个人有最美的梦想
一路上彼此照亮　扶持拥抱
我们的爱让世界不一样

我们爱　因神先爱我们
虽你我不一样　我们一路唱
走往祝福的方向
我们爱　因神先爱我们
心再坚强也不要独自飞翔
只要微笑　只要原谅
有你爱的地方就是天堂

Translation for those who can't read Chinese characters like I do: [But its english sentences are not properly structured since I simply2 copy pasted the chinese lyrics into chinese-english translator website for immediate translation!]

We love to make the world not the same as

You and I love the creation of the Heavenly Father
Everyone has the most beautiful dream
Illuminate each other support along the way to embrace
We love to make the world not the same as

We love because God first loved us
Although you and I do not like the way we sing
To go to the blessing of the direction of
We love because God first loved us
A strong heart and then do not fly alone
As long as forgiving as long as the smile
There is a place you love is a paradise

Dear Father in Heaven, I really wish to attend church next week. It’s been a long long while since the last time I was in church singing songs for You. Lord, help me to prioritize tasks well so that I will be able to attend Sunday services. I realized I have been far away from you, really far away from you, Lord. I need that enthusiasm and energy I once possessed as far as you are concerned.

And oh, last night I had one of the best lantern festival celebrations with my friends. Was a blast and I simply love it when our lanterns lit up together in the windy night. >.<

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival to all of my Chinese readers eh?

P.S: I will be posting Halabi’s and Schneider’s cartoons here soon. To my course mates, please be patient and I will draw them during my free time  ya!